Algus, keset keskpaika. - The starting from the middle of nowhere.

Kuulamiseks, lugemise ajal. - For listening whilst reading the story.

"Nendel öödel ma ärkasin kaetuna külma higiga. See uni mu mõistusest, ei kadunud kuhugi. Kõik need asjad, mis mind kummitasid, mu mõistust sõid ning see jumalik siluett mu silme ees, ei tahtnud mul magama lasta jäädagi. Vähe sellest, et magamisest, midagi välja tuleks üldse. Poiss, kahjuks, ei saa ma seda lugu alustada lihtsalt algusest."

Mu isa seletas mulle niimoodi, et kirjeldada olukorda. "Ma tõesti ei saa, kuidagi paremini seletada, miks ma tean, et sinuga pole kõik korras. Selle korrapäratuse all sa tead väga hästi, mida ma mõtlen... Su vanem vend võib kõike kinnitada, mida ma räägin, alustades mu loo algusest ja lõpetades sellega, mida ma tean su praegusest olukorrast."

Vanem vend Peeter noogutas, kui ma teda kahtleva pilguga vaatasin. Ma polnud teda aastaid näinud ning näha oli, et ta polnud veel oma kombest üle saanud paremat silma varjata juuksetukaga. Ma teadsin küll väga hästi, et see oli talle valus teema. Kõik need aastad, mida ta pidi taluma ilma parema silmata. Olin kindel, et millalgi tuli ka see teemaks. Samas, ma ei teadnud, miks ma selles nii kindel olin, võib öelda kõhutunne. Ei saa küll kõhutundena seda kirjeldada arvestades, mis mu sees roomas. Siiski, poleksin ma mingil juhul arvanud, et kohe sellest juttu tuleb.

"Niih, poiss, kuula nüüd. Ma eeldan, et magama sa ei jää nagunii ning sellest tuleb üks pikk-pikk jutuajamine," Isa jätkas. "Maailmas kõigel on roll mängida, nagu ka sinul ja sellel varjul, mis sinuga kaasas kõnnib. Mina küll enam ei näe seda varju, aga vähemalt ma saan aidata sind natukene oma tarkust ja elukogemust jagades."

Peeter võttis oma tuka silma eest ära, SILM, see tundus iidne, leegitsedes hõbedase leegiga ja moodustades lummavaid kujundeid nagu sel oleks oma elu. Ma jõudsin juba korra mõelda, et ma pole elus midagi sellist näinud. Järgneval hetkel lõi valu mu pähe ja ma vajusin ümber. Teadsin, et kõik on sõnaotseses mõttes katki. Järgnes järjekordne unenägu mu vaneimast mälestusest järve ääres mängides. Huvitaval kombel see unenägu kestis edasi nendest kohtadestki, kus ma varematel aastatel edasi polnud näinud. Kõik oli järsku uus ja huvitav, samas ma tundsin oma õlgadel raskust, ka mu vari oli uudistama tulnud, mis mulle huvi pakub.

Kõndides ringi oma nelja aastases kehas, paterdasin vette. See soe suveõhk, -vesi ja -päike. Mis mind ümbritsesid olid nii reaalsed. Tõsiselt hämmastav... Kaugelt paistis mu isa, nooremana ja tugevama, kui hetk tagasi nägin. Pole ka ime, kaksteist aastat võtavad vanast mehest niigi palju. Pärast vees solberdamist ja kaldal istumist, tuli ka mu isa. Ta võttis rätiku, ja kuivatas hoolikalt oma pikki juukseid. Ma nägin ta näos, paremas silmas seda leeki, mis põles mu vennal.

Hetk hiljem, ma olin läbimärg ning puristasin vett oma näost ära ajades. Peeter viskas mulle rätiku kamandades: "Kuivata end ära mees ning katsu mitte rohkem pilti taskusse visata!" Ma urisesin, turtsatasin ning tegin, mis kästud. Lõpetades nähvatasin: "Kas jätkame või tahate, et ma kuivataksin end veel natuke aega?!?"

Mu isa jätkas jutuga...

Translating the Hideout Stories into English.

"On those nights I woke up coated with cold sweat. The dreamlike experience from my mind wouldn't disappear by any means. All the things that haunted me, ate my mind and that godly silhouette in front of my mind wouldn't even let me fall asleep. Never mind the sleep I was missing those days. Son, I really can't describe or start the story like that."

 My father described like this to explain the situation, that was on topic. "I really don't know a better way to make You understand how I know that everything isn't regular with You. By the irregularity You know exactly what I mean. Your older brother can affirm everything I'm about to tell, starting from the beginning of my story and finishing with what I know about your problems."

My older brother Peeter nodded, when I set my doubting eyes on him. I had not seen him for years, but one thing had not changed, habit of hiding his right side of the face or to be exact the right eye. I knew very well that it was a hard and torturing topic for him. All those year that he had to suffer with only his left eye. I was sure that it would come into the talk. Allthough I didn't know why it seemed so, one would say "gut feeling" or so. Although I can't describe it as a mere gut feeling, thinking about what crawled inside me. Never the less I would not have ever guessed that the discussion about it would start right now.


"Now, Son, Listen me carefully. I assume you won't get any sleep anyway and this is going to be one long-long story," My father continued. "In this world everything has a role to play - Me, You and the shadow that walks with You. I no longer see the shadow, but at the very least I can help you by sharing my wisdom and experiences in life."


Peeter removed his fringe slowly and I saw his eye. The EYE, it seemed so ancient, flaming with silver color all over it and forming infatuating shapes, like it has it's own life. I only could think once, that I had never seen anything like it in my whole life. In the next moment I had passed out by mind numbing pain flowing from my head to all over my body. All that I knew everything was broken literally. Following up was a dream of my oldest memory, it was me playing by a lake. Interestingly this time the dream lasted longer than the times before when I had seen it. Everything was now new and stimulating, allthough at the same time I felt burden on my shoulders as my shadow had come to
poke its nose into what had awakened my senses.


Walking around in my four year old body, I slowly waddled into water like a duck. The warm summer air, lake water and sun, it all felt so real, that it amazed me so much. Whilst looking around my father had caught my eye, seeming younger and stronger, although it was not a miracle, over the years that had passed, time does its work, by taking a lot from an old man. After walking to the shore, sitting and enjoying the situation, my father walked out of the water, grabbing his towel. He started drying his hair and then I saw the same flame in his eye that had now invaded my brothers right eyeball.

At the next moment I woke up snorting, cause I was soaked thanks to the water that had poured on me. Peeter threw me a towel and started ordering: " Start drying yourself fast and try not to pass out any more." I growled, snorted once more and did what I was told, I finished barking right into his face: "Are we continuing or you want me to dry myself even longer?!?"

Peeter told me that it's not necessary and my father continued to tell his story.